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Ever notice how many products that claim to do miraculous things for consumers usually come with the disclaimer “results may vary”? They promise the world on the front end, but somewhere near the last line of the fine print it always says “results may vary.” For example:
Male Baldness
“Starting to shine like Mr. Clean? Just use Follicle Fill twice a week and we’ll have you looking like Bon Jovi…in 1987! Results may vary….”
Weight Loss
“Hey Tubby, if you can’t squeeze your muffin top into those skinny jeans, just try a three month dose of Lard-Buster and you’ll be able to hula hoop with a Fruit Loop. Results may vary….”
Muscle-Building Supplements
“Do you look more like Jabba the Hut than Conan the Barbarian? No problem! Just take 6,000 grams of Swole Mike’s Kerosene Protein before and after every workout and you’ll be more chiseled than Mt. Rushmore. Results may vary….”
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
“Do your intestines growl like a Harley Davidson on a cold morning? Does your bathroom smell like a skunk factory? Put the brakes on your IBS with Poo Shoo. This synthetic blend of aromatic herbs and essential oils is like a Xanax for your colon! Results may vary….”
The “results may vary” warning is the manufacturer’s way of saying they’re not responsible if the product doesn’t live up to the loftiest claims advertized. Way too many offers in life come with the disclaimer “results may vary.”
Fortunately, there are a few promises that don’t come with this disclaimer. They do exactly what they say. Here are just a few examples:
Answered Prayer
I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. (Luke 11:9-10)
Freedom
If the Son [Jesus] sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36)
Salvation
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. (Romans 10:13)
Forgiveness
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Peace
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
These results don’t vary. They never have. They never will.
Topics Illustrated Include:
Advertising
Assurance
Cure
Disappointment
God (Nature Of)
God’s Character
God’s Faithfulness
Jesus’ Teaching
Problem
Promise
Results
Trust
Vows
(Resource cataloged by David R Smith)
